Have you ever wondered why some things ‘are’ what they are? I do. Like, why do we have toenails? I don’t know any friends or family who scurry up trees like a chimpanzee. Or why do we yawn or have eyebrows? (I know the latter actually. To keep moisture out of our eyes). But my big WHY lately has to do with facial hair and Jenni. I have never been one to ask God “Why her?” or ”Why Me?” (and believe me, I have had SO many opportunities over my adult life to ask that question repeatedly.) With my sweet girl now having reached 30 years old, it’s trying at times because chronologically she’s 30…… mentally 3 or 4….. on a good day. And simple things in life can be life altering challenges. I have lived through all the lovely body changes and hormonal events with her and it seems like LIFE always throws hard balls at her (or me). I’ll get to the point of my latest melodrama with Jenni: Facial hair. My God, the girl’s a Sasquatch! She is very light skinned, has light brown hair but has the genetic hair follicles of a flamenco dancer from Spain! I have become a pro at shaving her legs over the last 19 years and it’s second nature to me. (But it can be very difficult if the party is uncooperative and moves around like a pup seal in a wading pool)! I had been attempting to rid Jenni of her upper lip hair for a long time now, with good ol’ ‘Nair for faces.’ What a waste of money, my time, not to mention her poor upper lip becoming a blur of pink skin, without the hair even bending or flinching . Next I tried wax strips. (I give myself a blue ribbon for coming up with these far fetched ideas)! So, in front of her, I applied the wax strip on my upper lip. (I had NEVER done this before on myself, because I don’t have a ferret laying across my lip) and when I screamed out in excruciating pain (smart move mom), that made her eyes bug open to a size I had never seen before, coming from that sweet, cherubic face of hers. I was astonished that she let me put the strip on her upper lip and stunned even more when I went to RIP it off, that she hadn’t screamed. Or pass out. Or that I hadn’t removed a single piece of flesh! The downside- she just didn’t let me do the other side! (Now that was a very awkard looking style). After a month of trying this to no avail, I took her to her sister’s salon to have Nicole do a professional wax on the ‘upper lip hairs from hell’. Jenni was too antsy and didn’t lay still too well. Nicole did her best, and the hair seemed to be not as noticeable. For a week or so. It’s been over a month now, and Jenni is starting to look like ‘Pedro’ from Napoleon Dynamite. No joke. I went to Sally Beauty Supply this morning and looked for the bleach kit that Nicole told me to buy. After leaving my glasses in the van (another smart move mom) I was lucky to find the aisle for hair removal, without having to ask for help. They carried one brand for facial bleaching and figured I’d give it a whirl. I asked the woman at the checkout counter about it and explained my dilemma with my project at home (not mentioning that my poor daughter’s starting to look like Cousin It). Did I really just write that? The woman asks me if I have considered SHAVING her upper lip. “Uh, No….. that is not where I want to go, thank you very much.” She proceeds to tell me “I shave my lip every morning and have been doing it for many years”, all the while I am staring straight at her 5:00 shadow, that is now bursting on through at 11:30 am. Then she starts showing me small shavers behind her on the wall. I told her that I’d rather go the bleach route! I’ll try it after her lunch today and I pray to the high heavens that she not only let’s me mess with her face again, but that it WORKS! I can live with the hairs being there, just lightened up! I’m a very patient mom, especially when it comes to my Dolly girl. No matter what calamity I will face in my drive to get Jenni’s lip hair removed or bleached, I will keep on going. (And not lose my sense of humor along the way)! Next…. her uni-brow ! LOL
**UPDATE** : The GiGi bleach kit worked wonders! This was the least painful method that I could possibly have used. However, Jenni being leery of my shenanigans of times past wasn’t TOO sure about the tiny spatula I was holding over her face! She swatted at it, and at me, and then when I had it applied evenly to the ‘maniacal moustache’, she grabbed at whatever was closest to her to wipe it away. (Which happened to be a newer hot pink towel!) When I slathered it on her for a second time and her being able to see that nothing freaky was about to happen, she let it sit there for 10 minutes. Washed it off and she looks brand new! I am so happy! After giving her much praise and a good dose of a hulabaloo, she is a happy gal too.