I Did What?

The other night I sent my friend Sheree a note through fb regarding calves being born. I wondered how the vet gets the calve’s legs hooked up to chains before they ‘come out’ into the world. (She is the ‘cow’ expert). I also added how the cow giving birth was tied to a tree. She told me that the mother is tied because she could run off. (Yeah, that wouldn’t be too smooth… or attractive to watch). So I was telling Kimmi how awful that would feel, being tied down, not to mention being tied to a freaking tree while you’re in hard labor. She reminded me that my hands had been tied to the railings of the delivery room bed when I had Nicole. Reflecting back, I thought, ‘ I did what?’ Or more like, ’THEY did what?’ I had completely and totally forgotten about that miserable experience. Guess my brain blocked it out for me because I hadn’t given it any thought until Kimmi mentioned it the other night. I know I was in agony leading up to the actual delivery room (what woman isn’t) but with the horrors of my labor room debacle (the idiotic doctor not having removed stitches in my cervix prior to this moment and me pushing for ever and a day before the staff ‘realized’ I was clamped shut), maybe they figured I needed to be restrained? Heck, I’ll never know. Now that I can remember the sheer helplessness I felt laying there and not being able to move my hands and arms, I am shocked I made it through that delivery without having a heart attack! The cow may have had her head tethered to the tree, but me having both arms strapped down like a crazy person in a padded room while expelling an over 8 pound baby wasn’t anything to write home about either! Dennis reminded me that after all of that, my recovery room was a BROOM closet for a few hours. Dead serious here. At Northridge Hospital! I was in a dingy room with brooms and mops and buckets and disgusting things all over. And we had INSURANCE- Good insurance….. LOL! I guess they were over crowded in maternity back in July 1981 because I spent my first few hours in that broom closet/ maintenance room, wondering if I’d ever get out of there. Thoughts of “Will they bring my baby to me in this heartwarming and inviting room.. Yeah right.” (No they didn’t). First being tied down, then shoved in that windowless closet made for such a warm, memorable birth experience. NOT! Gee, I see WHY I chose to forget this! (I should have added this adventure to my very first blog, “Reflections”…. as it would have not been out of place AT ALL in that blog!)

When I started thinking about my “I Did What?” moments, there was always a “They did what” or “He/She did what?” that came beforehand. When I was about to get married, I worked for a large medical group in the San Fernando Valley, with quite a few doctors in every department. One day at lunch a month or so before my wedding, a nurse and I were talking and she said I should make an appointment with the doctor she worked for upstairs, just for a check up and talk about birth control, etc….. I thought about it and said ‘What the heck, I’ll do it’. This doctor was new to the group and I didn’t know much about him. I just thought he looked ‘odd’ to me (I should say he looked ODD AT ME) because whenever I was up delivering medical records to his nurse, and he was around, he seemed to be always looking at me or towards me. But in a ‘shifty-eyes’ kind of way. I couldn’t never pinpoint exactly, but this guy gave me the creeps. (And yet, I made an appointment with him. So gullible back then). My red flags were right on, but being the naive young woman I was, I didn’t give in to my gut instincts. (He was a doctor, a professional for crying out loud). On the day of my ‘physical’ with this doctor, I thought he was a little too thorough. (You know, with stethoscope in hand, on my chest, and listening to me breathe and asking me to breathe in and out, oh what, say, 25, 30 times?) something is WRONG! DIng- Ding Ding! I was there to be checked out and to be informed that I was in good health (I was checked out all right). When he asked me to do jumping jacks (JUMPING JACKS!) I knew it was time to hit the road. And fast! I was so thankful I didn’t have to undress for this leering peeping Tom. I straightened out my little white nurse uniform-dress and high tailed it OUT of there! When I went back down to the medical records department and asked my friend if this sounded like some ‘Perve Freak Show’, she said ‘He Did What?” (And I told her “Oh, It gets better – or worse, because I can add ‘I did What?’” to the shenanigans at this crazy appointment). I told her I actually started to do the jumping jacks!! (Maybe two before the alarms went off in my head that told me to RUN!) What family practice doc has you perform jumping jacks while he sits in a chair? OMG! I worked there a few more months and left, but before I did, I avoided this guy like the plague.

I guess we all have those moments in life where you just do something and then ask yourself, “I did What?” I know I have had these moments more often that I should have but in hindsight, it can make for a good chuckle.

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