‘Conquering Fears’

While at the gym this morning, and being on my favorite elliptical machine, I began thinking about conquering my fears. I always seem to think a lot when I get on this particular elliptical. I get a bird’s eye view and my brain goes into auto-pilot with ideas and thoughts. I know Kimmi doesn’t like this one machine, because of where it is situated. It is the first one in a long row of machines. As soon as you enter the lobby and enter the massive gym, it is right there. You see everyone and everyone sees you. My main reason for grabbing this one is because if I ever should fall off the thing- which believe me, I have come SO close to doing in the early months- I can save what piece of dignity that remains in me and crawl out to the parking lot without making much more of a scene.

With my ipod blasting to ear drum breaking music, and watching HGTV at the same time, I start looking around the gym (mainly when the commercials come on) and ‘think’. No, not about how wonderful some of these men on HGTV’s remodeling and renovating shows look… Kim (Stedronsky) if you see this, there’s something about Scott McGillivray, swinging a sledge hammer ……. he is vying in my brain for a partial replacement of Hemsworth. Just saying! (Ha Ha). I think that some of these people definitely have courage. There is a new member who recently started and he looks like something straight out of The Biggest Loser. I am not being facetious at all. He has to be 6′ 4 and weigh 450 pounds. I glanced his way today from my perch at the best spot in the gym, and realized how much courage he has. Just showing up and working out has got to be one huge milestone for him. . Or the females I have seen running through the parking lot carrying weights over their heads. Kudos to them. If I attempted such a feat, I’d be laying flat on my face on the asphalt in a heartbeat! I swung my towel over my head one morning, walking to my vehicle, and it nearly sent me in to oncoming traffic in the parking lot. Good ‘ol balancing issues that arise when I least expect it. Then there are the real old time codgers (dusty old) who can barely walk into the place, but climb on the treadmill or elliptical or use weights.

So as I am racing along on my machine, to ‘Party Rock Anthem’, I started thinking of my fears and how I would love to be able to conquer just one fear. Just one. I am scared to death of heights and freak out if I am up too high in a building where there are large windows, showing you just how high up you are. And then there are the snakes. OMG! Deathly afraid of them. My heart literally races and then SLOWS way down. If I mention them (like now) I will surely have a dream tonight about one slithering in to some corner of my deepest REM stage of sleep. I can assure you that there is NO WAY I will ever conquer this fear. Ever. I have been terrified to the depths of my soul over snakes for as long as I can remember. (Maybe Catholic School? Learning about the serpent? Hmmmm…..). The sheer terror, distress, dread, trepidation that I feel when I see a snake- whether it be in a movie, in a book, or hear the word- will always send me screaming like a lunatic in my mind.

My goal is this: I am going to seriously try to conquer my fear of heights. I mean, geez-Louise, living here in Las Vegas, the perfect true test would be The Stratosphere ! An 1149 foot tall tower. Something like 113 floors. And Caesar’s Entertainment Group is planning on building an enormous Ferris wheel type ride, larger than the one in London, 550 feet tall. I don’t know when I will have the courage to ride up on The Stratosphere, but if I can do that, I know I will have conquered just one of the many fearful things in my life.


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